Japan

I once spent Easter Sunday in Japan. My chief memory of the day is visiting Hiroshima and, in one of the many shopping malls that were open, using heated toilet seats for ladies (in the excited company of my young daughter). Like Japan itself, I never could work out the message....

I've just been reading 'Memoirs of a Geisha' – and am quietly amazed to realize that, even without classic good looks or sexy elbows, I've often been treated as a 'geisha' on my various academic research trips to Japan! I moved almost entirely among men and was frequently asked to 'sing for my supper – delicious sushi, tempura or whatever', by demonstrating my extensive knowledge of Japanese history, reciting verse or laughing prodigiously at various male jokes and insinuations. To cap it all, when I took my baby daughter with me to the Kansai, a bemused young male reporter from the Osaka edition of 'Mainichi Shimbun' listened to me pontificating innocently on Japan's modernization and economic development – and then left most of it out under the much more eye-catching banner headline »Mama-san koshi« (Mummy is a Lecturer.....). Has anything changed?!!

Samurai, Geisha, Fealty, Kimono, Haiku, Ikebana, Hot Springs, Tsunami, Shinkansen, Electronics, Tokyo, White-gloved helpers in the Subway, vacuum-packed used panties, sushi, Fujisan, Revisionism, Extra slippers in the bathroom, love hotels, cherry blossoms...

The Japanese banking crisis continues. Origami Bank has folded, Bonsai Bank announced that it is cutting back its branches, and Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Five hundred employees of Karate Bank will get the chop.

Ah, Japan... land of cubicle hotels and salarymen, of noodles and samurai, of colorful, siezure-inducing cartoons, and poorly translated instruction manuals. Some day soon I will make the trip, the adventure, the life-changing time-warp into an alternate dimension.

I hear they have pretty fancy toilets there, too.