Random

'You were the result of a decision that followed a random event'. I'm still trying to work this one out. It seems so cosmic in its implications – Big Bang, perhaps? Our Maker so distraught with the randomness of the initial explosion that He was rushed into the wrong decision about the evolution of the universe (this one, at any rate).

The essence of our existence is randominity; for life to become possible in any universe it must have perfect conditions from the very beginning, and for ours to exist there must be millions more too objective to be observed by any subjective mind. Of course, no one will ever know them, just as you will never know God, and you will never know your friends and lovers. You are defined by yourself, and thus you will never exceed your boundaries, but lucky you are to have any...

Any truly random distribution throws up patterns, small pockets of ordered behaviour that seem to be unaccountably non-random and yet, by their very existence, help to confirm that the selection has been arrived at purely by chance.

It is less than a random experience meeting, say, on a winter road, with one of the »alces alces« family. More friendly than a velociraptor (and considerably bigger, too), it still can caus quite a big bang, an off goes your bonnet. More of a random experience is having a room in a hotel right next to the elevator motor. Now you know a) what »whining« really means (you never dared asking your grandmother, did you) and b) what a random experience is. Some people put making love under this category, which others categorically (albeit not randomly) deny. Why? I – er – dunno.

The random word of the day is »knee.« Ok, I admit it... it's not random at all. I planned it all along! And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you pesky kids... and your dog!