Beer

Rarely has mankind developed a finer quaff than beer; the beverage of the ages and all nations. The world was built on beer, from the ancient Egyptians, to the Chinese, to primal Europeans. Beer is the distilled essence of grainy nourishment.

I likes it cool on a hot summers day
to wash the pains of me labors away
to loosen me tongue with me mates at the pub
an' to aid in the digestion of McLafferty's grub.

Rarely has mankind developed a finer quaff than beer; the beverage of the ages and all nations. The world was built on beer, from the ancient Egyptians, to the Chinese, to primal Europeans. Beer is the distilled essence of grainy nourishment.

This seems to be an era of gratuitous inventions and negative improvements. Consider the beer can. I was beautiful – as beautiful as the clothespin, as inevitable as the wine bottle, as dignified and reassuring as the fire hydrant. A tranquil cylinder of delightfully resonant metal, it could be opened in an instant, requiring only the application of a handy gadget freely dispensed by every grocer. Who can forget the small, symmetrical thrill of those two triangular punctures, the dainty pfff, the little crest of suds that foamed eagerly in the exultation of release? Now we are given, instead, a top beetling with an ugly, shmooshaped »tab,« which, after fiercely resisting the tugging, bleeding fingers of the thirsty man, threatens his lips with a dangerous and hideous hole. However, we have discovered a way to thwarth Progress, usually so unthwartable. TURN THE BEER CAN UPSIDE DOWN AND OPEN THE BOTTOM. The bottom is still the way the top used to be. True, this operation gives the beer an unsettling jolt, and the sight of a consistently inverted beer can might make people edgy, not to say queasy. But the latter difficulty could be eliminated if manufacturers would design cans that looked the same whichever end was up, like playing cards. What we need is Progress with an escape hatch.

(John Updike: Beer Can)

Did you know that beer probably existed before bread? That beer may have been the reason that primitive hunter-gatherers stopped following the herds of grazing animals and stayed in one place to focus on harvesting the grain necessary to make beer? That bread was likely an outgrowth of beer in that it was another use for the yeast and grains? That beer may, in fact, be described as the mother of civilization? The beginning of all culture?

She would make their own root beer and put it in the pump house .

Before it was ready some of the bottles would explode.

The kids were impatient to try it.

It sure was good on a hot summer day.

Quotes from Michael Jackson

...from a tasting at the Brickskellar

posted by John DeCarlo

»You are expected to like bad wine (oh, everyone knows that the 1987 was a terrible year--frost, etc.--so of course the wine tastes bad).«

»Beer may cause you to digress--and lead a happier life«

His philosophy is to »exercise less and drink more«.

»Beer with a little color to its cheeks«

Let's all work to get people to drink more good beer, so "if someone walks into your office and says he drinks Corona, *don't* *immediately* call him a
dickhead."

One of the biggest experts in beer aroma and flavor works for Strohs. »I don't know what he *does* all day.«

Talked about P.U. and how everyone calls their beer a Pilsener.
-They didn't trademark everything back then--»now someone farts and they put a TM after it«
-Even Miller Lite says »A fine pilsener beer« on the label. »It is a crime«.

Big breweries and »dry« »lite« »ice« beers:
»They are full of brewing scientists who have gone wrong.«
»OF course the marketing types have always been wrong.«
»If there are any marketing types in the audience, go throw yourself out the window now, or change jobs«

On »no aftertaste« advertising:
»Did I just have a beer or just breathe in some slightly damp air?«

Goethe was sick and couldn't eat anything, so he was kept alive by the Ko"stricher Schwartzbier.

Talking with Father Thomas at Westmalle on food and wine/beer:
FT: »What wine goes with asparagus?« (Pound on table)
MJ: pause
FT: »None! No wine goes with asparagus! Only our Tripel does!«

About so-called »lawnmower beers«
»I don't have a lawn. You need something substantial after mowing the concrete.«

What's your favorite beer? What is in your refrigerator?
»I have three refrigerators--all full of beer.«
»The postman and UPS and Federal Express bring more beer every day.«
"I bring extras to my neighbors. They used to think it was great. Now it is 'Oh my God, there's Jackson with some more Chimay Grand Reserve--don't open the
door'".
»I'm like the gardener growing zucchini.«

On US perception that UK beer is warm:
»It isn't because there are no refrigerators in England.«
»If you order a Heineken in England (you must be a lunatic) it will be chilled.«

On scary signs in the South (U.S.):
»Last beer before dry county«
»Coldest beer in town«

On cold beer:
Cold beer has more CO2 in solution which comes out in your stomach
»You don't feel bloated with a less gassy beer.«
»Drinking really cold beer is like slapping yourself in the face with an ice pick.« (He did, repeat this a few times, changing the end to »ice block«, but I like the
original version.
His SO is a psychiatrist (or close) and it is apparently a common mental derangement to injure yourself with ice picks and the like. Must be why cold beer is so
prevalent.

On where he lives:
»My house is about equidistant from the Youngs brewery and the Fullers brewery. This is no accident.«

On the use of X for bitters:
»Xs were used because there was no mass literacy--a state we are rapidly approaching once more.«

On the strength of British beer:
It is usually not as alcoholic as standard US beer.
Tourist to MJ:»Then why did we get so shit-faced drinking in London?«
MJ: »Shit-faced, a technical term«

He started his journalism career in a mining town.
»Some miners would have 20 pints after a hard day in the mine.«
(That beer better not be too strong.)
»Now that we sit behind computers all day, this is down to 18 or 19 pints.«

On megabreweries involvement in craft beers.
»Leinenkugels makes better beer now that Miller bought them.«
»It will license insecure people to like craft beers.«

On Reinheitsgebot, etc.
"I don't trust the Germans with their own heritage.
I don't trust *anybody* with their own heritage."

On world beers:
»I can't even *justify* going to South America for beer.«

On Sierra Nevada:
»They have a drink in Texas which is half Bigfoot and half SNPA that they call A Foggy Night in the Sierras«

On homebrewing:
»I've never homebrewed. I'm never at home.«
»I'm too impatient even with cooking.«
»All these UPS parcels keep arriving«

Hope you enjoy these!

48. dream of a beer the size of Norway.
all romance fails to save the image.
is not a dream round? a receptacle?
Pen a cold louver? refer to question re:
love vs. value.

Malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s ways to man.

A.E. Housman